You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
