Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
