You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
