I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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