Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
