One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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