I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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