New invention idea: vibrating tampons
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
