You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize