So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
