I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
