I puked a lego.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize