He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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