he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
