Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
