plz talk dirty to me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
