getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
