i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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