Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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