When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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