margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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