is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
