great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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