On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
