dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
