It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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