I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
