Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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