Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
