Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
