I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
