I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
