home. puking in laundry basket.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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