but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
