it was like eating out sand paper
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
