Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
