Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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