thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
