a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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