It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
