All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
