i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
