everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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