I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
NoShamevember. You game?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
