There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hippo gnu deer
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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