How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Congratulations! We have a period
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