No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This baby is an asshole
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
