I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
