OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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