I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
