Redeem this text for a blowjob
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
