thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You may now shotgun with the bride
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize