names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
