he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
