The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
