i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
