Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
