Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
