you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
