i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
