my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
