But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
