Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize