GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
