He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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