my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
