why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
