I think my vagina is haunted
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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