I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
