Cold hands, warm shart.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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