Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
