its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
