apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
