I think I won the penis lottery.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
