i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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