Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
