i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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