Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
