he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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