I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
