i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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