so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
