If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
