the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
